A divorce can impact your life in many ways, including:
- Legal Consequences
- Family/Social Consequences
- Financial Consequences
- Emotional Consequences
When going through a divorce, you must focus on each of these aspects of your life. If you focus on one to the exclusion of others, you may make mistakes in the divorce process. You could agree to terms that hurt you financially. You might sign a contract that is not in your best interest, simply to have the process end. You could end up dissatisfied in the long-run. Many divorcing spouses will put off dealing with the emotional issues caused by the divorce until the legal issues have been finalized, and this can be a mistake.
Legal
Make sure you hire an experienced, local family law attorney that makes you feel comfortable and confident. Do your own research as well to make sure you understand your court, judge and Tennessee laws that could affect the outcome of your divorce, custody, property and spousal support issues. Make sure you discuss your desires with your attorney to determine if those goals are realistic and form a game plan together. Make sure you keep your lawyer up to date throughout the process, and consider hiring a therapist to talk to while your divorce is pending.
Emotional
Recognize that emotions may affect the decisions you make in your divorce case, and try to make logcial rather than emotional decisions, when possible. Common emotions felt during the divorce process are:
- Guilt or shame over having a marriage fail
- Guilt over your own behavior that lead to the divorce
- Sadness over losing emotional and financial support
- Depression over losing a home, possessions and/or income
- Depression related to losing time with your children
- Stress over losing even more in the divorce
- Fear that you will not find another romantic partner
- Fear about having financial struggles following the divorce
- Fear that your children will be negatively impacted
- General anger
These emotions can affect your decision-making. For example, a spouse who has had an affair, even one that began after the parties’ separation, may feel so guilty that he or she agrees to anything that the other spouse reqeusts. After they have worked through their guilt, however, they may resent the agreement at best or be bankrupt at worst for agreeing to things they could not possibly afford.
Family/Social
Remember to reach out to people in your support system throughout your divorce. Many divorcing couples will isolate themselves from family, friends or church members because of guilt or depression. Let your family and friends offer support and energy during this difficult time. They can help carry your burden.
Often clients will tell our office that they have no one who is willing to supervise visitations, to accompany them to the exchange of their child or to get involved in any way with the divorce or custody process. Make sure you stay connected. Who is your confidant? Who would you call at midnight when you’re struggling? Make a list of those people who love you unconditionally and would do anything for you – and stay plugged in with them.
Financial
Try to understand what is behind your desire for money in the divorce. For example, women who have stayed at home for years may want a certain amount of alimony because they are afraid that they will not know how to support themselves after such a long absence from the work-force. Try to address the fear, and the wife may be more willing to settle for a lesser amount of alimony.
Although some financial desires are motivated by underlying emotions, the harsh reality is that the property still must be divided. Talk with your attorney about what you can reasonably expect to happen, and be prepared to negotiate with your spouse to address all property issues.
These aspects of divorce were borrowed from an article written by Jaynee Beach.
If you are considering divorce or if you are currently going through a divorce, contact our office today to schedule your free consultation. We are experienced in handling all kinds of divorces, and we will work with you to meet needs in each of these areas.
